How Does a Pastor Relate To Others?

Relating to other staff is always a challenge...The offices are one thing. Their job descriptions can be spelled out to the letter as to what the congregation expects each office to accomplish. The problem arises when we consider that people have to fill these offices. People almost always come with emotional baggage from their past. This emotional baggage shapes them and affects how they communicate with each other. It is easy to say that the other offices are an extension of the pastor’s call but we do indeed extend divine calls to the other church workers as well. A new DCE just fresh out of a school that taught him one way of thinking about his calling could easily conflict with the pastor’s idea of how they should function together. This writer has worked with pastors who thought of themselves as my father, my brother and even my crazy uncle. They have been autocratic, bureaucratic, charismatic, democratic, laissez-faire, people orientated, servant leaders, task orientated, transactional and transformational, sometimes all in the same day! Despite this quandary we usually attempted to know where our official boundaries lay. The key to surviving together in ministry is knowing how to communicate with each other. One must know how to make a bid to each different personality so that it will be accepted and the kingdom work advances..... A pastor would be wise to consider Galatians 5:22-23 in his everyday routine “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law” and ask the following questions based on the fruits of the spirit mentioned above: • “Love - Is my leadership motivated by love for people? • Joy - Do I exhibit an unshakable joy, regardless of life's circumstances? • Peace - Do people see my peace and take courage? • Longsuffering - Do I wait patiently for results as I develop people or goals? • Kindness - Am I caring and understanding toward everyone I meet? • Goodness - Do I want the best for others and the organization? • Faithfulness - Have I kept my commitments? • Gentleness - Is my strength under control? Can I be both tough and tender? • Self-Control - Am I disciplined to make progress toward my goals?” (The Maxwell Leadership Bible – John Maxwell)..... One must remember that the past is the past. Although we must learn from it, we may not stay there. “For what I am today, shame on my parents. If I stay that way, shame on me” (Unknown). Remembering the past is beneficial because we can learn what worked, what did not and why. We can also determine what could be done differently in order for it to work now. “Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it" (Sir Winston Churchill). Next one must ”Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood” (The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People - Habit 5). As a pastor it is imperative to understand people before they understand us. In many cases we will never be understood. We do not have to be in order to give the help that many are needing in the hurting world of today. The tests in the book enable us to begin to understand others by better understanding ourselves. This weeks reading talks much about sending and responding to bids “…the fundamental unit of emotional communication…an bid can be a question, a gesture, a look, a touch – any single expression that says ‘I want to feel connected to you.’ A response to a bid is…a positive or negative to someone’s request for emotional connection” (The Relationship Cure p. 4). Much time and effort should be spent by the pastor here especially since his main function to communicate effectively. Finally a pastor must be aware of how he manages those in his care. Emotions play a significant part in his interactions with others and he is well advised to continually evaluate his emotional command systems. People are very distinct from each other. They each wish to be treated in different ways. Some respond well to a commander-in-chief while others prefer a jester or the ever cautious sentry. He should attempt to be sensitive to these differing styles. It is also important for the pastor to know which command systems are comfortable for him. These are the systems where he will be the more effective and happiest. If he knows these things about himself and others the Word of God and the sacraments will be administered more effectively and God’s people will grow in their faith.